To the misunderstood daughter:

Love,

Daughter,

Beloved,

You are free. I release your heart from its captivity. You are no longer slave to expectations. Fear doesn’t own you anymore. You past doesn’t get to define your future. Let your heart forget the hurts that have broken the childlike trust you once had. I’m setting your heart free to be a child again. Trust. The hardest thing to do right now is the one thing you need the most. Trust in Love. Trust Me. Let my Love heal every arrow-pierced scar and bullet wound. I’ll carry you home on my shoulders, pull out the shrapnel, stitch your open wounds, bandage what’s bloody and broken, and kiss you and tell you it’s all better until it actually is.

Beautiful, you are so much more than the names they’ve called you and labels they’ve placed on you. You are SO MUCH MORE. Daughter, I see you. I see your heart. I see the you that you’re afraid to let anyone see. And all I see is Love, Beauty, Perfection. Your heart is perfect, my love.

You

are

perfect.

Remember who you are. It’s time to come out of hiding, dear one. It’s time to let your beautiful heart be seen. This world needs what you carry, for you carry my Love.

Let your heart be seen. You are safe here with me. You are safe now.

I see you.

I know you.

I love you

through and through.

Out of Hiding

I've been hiding behind the mask of my fears and insecurities for far too long.
I've found my salvation in my own attempts at perfection rather than trusting my imperfections to Love himself.
I've lived in intimate relationship with religious practices and performance, never getting to know the One they speak of for myself.
I've hidden my fear of intimacy behind "boundaries" and my embarrassment over physical imperfections behind the veil of "modesty."
I've shut every female I've known out of the deepest places of my heart because I'm afraid of them. Afraid of their judgment, afraid of being misunderstood, afraid of their labels...
Slut.
Player.
Heartbreaker.
I've shut Love down. I've shut my heart up.
I've perfected the confident smile and having-my-shit-together exterior so that no one will see the war waging within. The battle between being my true self and filling the stereotypes placed on me; between letting my heart love the way it was created versus letting society define who I can love and how much and how it must be expressed.
I am torn by the constant paradox of being a people-pleaser who hates making others uncomfortable, yet knowing that I was born to break stereotypes, rebel against expectations, shatter false suppositions, and combat cultural norms.

I'm terrified of being unveiled. I'm so afraid of letting my heart be truly seen. I'm so convinced that if I take my mask down and show you who I really am, you won't like what you see.

But Dad is calling me out of hiding. He's whispering sweet nothings to my heart, telling me that my heart is good and can be trusted. Promising me that I am already deeply known and deeply loved. He is so patient, yet I hear a slight urgency in his gentle voice, as if people need to hear the words I have to say, as if it's time to finally say them.

There is so much fear.
But there is no opportunity for bravery without the presence of fear.
And I am Courage.
So I look Fear in the face and say,
"Do your worst. For I shall do mine."


My heart was made to be in love.
And I'm not saving it for one person.

I was created for deep intimacy.
And I'm not waiting for marriage.

My heart craves the opportunity to be vulnerable and real and completely honest.
And I'm not placing limits.

The language of my love is deep, raw, meaningful conversation and physical connection.
And I'm breaking my own boundaries.

I'm done. I'm fed up. I'm so fucking sick of letting Love be limited by labels and expectations. And I'm so exhausted of running everything I say and do through the filter of "What will society think?" and "What will church people say?", because I don't fit in to either place and I don't give a shit anymore.
I'm coming out of hiding.
I'm taking off the mask.
I'm being me.
Real, raw, unfiltered, unapologetically me.
Take it or leave it.

I believe in Love.
I believe that Love is why we're here, Love is our purpose. Love is what created us, and Love is where we're going. If I don't have Love, I am NOTHING.
So I'm throwing off everything else. I'm done caring what people think. I'm done with religious bullshit telling me that I can separate myself from God, who is Love. I'm done believing that Love can be wasted.
I'm all in. I'm recklessly pursuing Love at any cost, because I believe that, ultimately,
LOVE ALWAYS WINS.

Now I know that this sounds all idealistic and unrealistic. What does it actually mean? What does reckless love look like?
Maybe it looks like holding your best friend in your arms until he believes that not all touch is sexual and not everyone wants to take advantage of him.
Maybe it's letting your heart fall in love with someone you know will never love you back, just to let him know he's worth it.
Maybe it means giving your dad one more chance, opening your heart just one more time, even after he's been emotionally vacant your entire life.
Maybe it's breaking past social barriers and praying for your employer's shattered leg day after day until Dad finally brings complete healing.
Maybe it's buying the beggar on the street Chick-fil-A so you can hear her story and pray for her and give her a hug and tell her it's going to be okay.
Maybe it's letting your 35-year-old friend hold your hand so he will believe that someone accepts him as he is.
Maybe it even looks like throwing off your religious presuppositions and supporting your gay friend's relationship choices because you know that it's the only way he can receive love right now.

There are so many implications. There are so many unknowns. Yes, I know, so many things could go terribly wrong. But what if I trust my heart, what if I trust them, what if I trust GOD enough to believe that maybe, just maybe, if we fight hard enough for Love.... things will somehow go terribly right, and we will find healing and wholeness and the true heart of God. Maybe, at the end of the day... Love will truly win.

Springtime in the Rockies

Life is not easy,
but it is Beautiful.
Love is confusing,
and sometimes painful,
but my heart is thankful.
Like Springtime in the Rockies
Some days
the clouds hold back their tears,
the sun beams proudly
and the flowers smile back.
The next day
the sun shies away
the cold clouds cannot contain
their frozen flakes
that fall on flowers' faces.
But the buds battle to bloom
amidst the war of Winter weather
For the fragile flowers forget not
what the clouds cease to remember
That beyond this stormy weather
the Sun is still shining
and it is still Spring.

Stranger Danger

Side by side

forward we ride

both looking ahead

these chairs as our bed.

What's your name? 

We've never met.

Still I can smell

your armpit sweat.

Our shoulders brush, 

are you aware?

I can feel

your arm hair.

Sitting there 

in your bootcut jeans

staring at 

your movie screen.

Your headphones on, 

my earplugs in, 

I wonder what 

this could have been. 

You gaze at me

as if to say,

"You're a creeper;

go away." 

Our eyes meet.

Our hearts 

beat.

Don't look away!

Don't turn your gaze.

Stay, please stay,

don't go away. 

For "stranger danger" 's

just a phrase 

used by those 

too scared to say,

"Hello, I love you. 

What's your name?"

But your eyes avert

back to your screen

and my heart wonders

what this all means.

Now reading back

through my poetry

all becomes clear,

and now I see

the dangerous stranger they speak of

is me.

leaving home

why
must we say goodbye
my heart was not made for this
my heart is not
ready-or-not, time's up.
pack up.
backpack on and you're gone
fly away
you can't stay
for this place you've called home
was never the destination
but a stop along the way
and whanau doesn't say goodbye
for there's always a next time.
the book isn't closing,
but this chapter is gone
so cherish the moment
for moments don't last long
and, as they say, time flies
joy-filled smiles become tear-filled eyes
and at the end of every long hello
is a bitter, short
goodbye

When Will Freedom Ring

Oh Land of the Free,
where is your freedom?
For the men 
mining your glittering engagement rings
For the women 
stripped bare, forced to put on a show for your darkened computer screens
For the children
whose torn fingers, beaten backs and sleepless eyes 
harvest your bloody coffee at the expense of their lives
For the innocents, 
brutally torn in the name of convenience
before they are born

Sweet Home of the Brave, 
where are your brave ones?
Willing to expose corruption
Willing to fight oppression
Willing to rescue your slave sons 
and restore your damaged daughters
Willing to battle for the unborn
Willing to say to injustice,
"NO MORE."

HERE are your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. 
Oh America, 
WHEN
will you truly believe in Liberty?